TAKE HEED, MERE MORTALS

Click on the title of this post to see the relevant article. If you go to the first page, you'll see that Natalie Portman is a Harvard grad and that Kate Beckinsale is a master poetess or something. And who knew that Asia Carrera was actually just the worst case of daddy-revenge in recorded history?

But the real revelation is that DRAGO IS SUPERHUMAN. Seriously.
"The man reportedly has an IQ of 160. He graduated from the Royal Institute of Technology in Sweden, got his master's in chemical engineering, then was awarded a Fulbright Scholarship to MIT. After just two weeks of that, his superhuman intellect allowed him to calculate that a life spent inventing life-saving chemicals would mathematically contain less awesome than one movie spent playing He-Man...Hey, did we mention that he speaks five languages (French, Swedish, German, English and Italian)? Or, that he's a Pentathlon Team Leader and a former Ranger? And a third-degree black belt?"

In other news, Dolph also discovered the 401(k), defused the Cuban Missle Crisis and probably slept with your girlfriend last night. We've been making Chuck Norris jokes, when all this time we had a real live Ubermensch in our midst. And it's not like he was hiding. If a secret identity is your goal, being fucking He-Man and saying, "I will break you" and meaning it aren't the ways to do it.

The point is, atheists, when you get the urge to pray but still hold a grudge against God, just take a shortcut and pray to Dolph. Make sure to beg for mercy.